I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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