We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
