Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
