I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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