Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
