Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
