Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I could fuck to npr.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
