Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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