East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
