I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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