My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize