dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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