I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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