i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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