Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
