so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
