if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
