ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's never too late to be topless.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
