she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
