Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
