for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
