you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize