i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
