Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
