I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
