Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
