i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
