Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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