Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
