This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
