She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
