Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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