I got chris browned last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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