did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
