Taylor Swift is so right about you.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
