I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to calm my uterus...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
