I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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