I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
