not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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