Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
