Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
