how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
