i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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