Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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