O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry about my life...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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