I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
