Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
