This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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