i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
