i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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