I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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