that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
