You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
