We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
