im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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