at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
