I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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