The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
whose parrot is this?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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