Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
