Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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