Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
