he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
