Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I deserve this hangover.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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