operation harelip BJ is a go
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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