M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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