College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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