We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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