Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
