At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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